Don't worry, it's marked for you...

I got my absentee ballot in the mail the other day and, before I send it back, I thought I would share it with you. Why you ask? Because it is completely stupid. I mean seriously, could a ballot possibly be more skewed or geared toward the mentally inept that shouldn't be voting in the first place?

Just to be clear, this is not a political post; this is simply calling out some serious foul play - we are talking Lindsey Lohan crotch foul here. I don't care what your political affiliation, you don't deserve to be Lohan crotched. Period.

Take a look at the ballot and you will quickly notice that the Obama and Romney ticket are listed twice. Twice! No other candidate is listed twice, why do these two get double booking? Foul one.

Next, take a look at the labeling - they are no longer just Democrat, Republican, etc., they now have secondary listings of Conservative and Working Families. WTF?! Why do these two get the additional labels and who decided who gets which one? This is clearly trying to influence the vote by labeling candidates for uninformed voters. Foul two.

Next, why the hell did they add cartoons to the ballots (this time I mean actual cartoons and not the candidates for once)? I guess to add insult to injury, they decide to give the democrat ticket a big black star indication "this is the correct choice". Combine that with the "working families" label and I fail to see how anyone would choose any other option; after all, we are all working families and we all like selecting the correct answer.  Cartoons don't belong in elections. Foul three.

Have a look:

No matter who you are for this should bother you (especially if you are for one of the candidates that are only listed once). To me, the biggest issue is that the election is no longer about values, goals or informed opinion, it is about manipulating the vote of those that are most the most desperate, in the most need and will be hurt the most by the potential outcome. Four four - Lohan Foul!

I don't care who you vote for, just vote your heart. If you know nothing about the candidates, learn something before you vote. Don't sacrifice your livelihood by voting for quips, common terms you associate with or cartoons; vote your reality.

(FYI - a democrat created this ballot; not judging, just saying. OK, I am judging a bit.)

LTE - Less Than Enthused

As an iPhone user I have been anxiously anticipating the day that I could partake in the greatness that is 4g, nay, LTE. For years I have been limited to 3G at best, Edge more often, by two critical factors: AT&T is as cutting edge as the cotton gin and Apple doesn't let users think independently or have the latest anything (thank god they at least have great, albeit behind the curve, hardware). 

At last, the day came, like a thief in the night finally, heavily delayed behind every other manufacturer, where the iPhone5 received the technology update that would enable 4G and LTE. Side rant: I am a huge Apple fan, I really am, but the fact that I should have had this capability on my iPhone 3, 4 and 4S but had to wait until 5 just pisses me off. End rant. Now that I have it, I am ready to enjoy it. Finally. Seriously; Finally. 

Ready! Set! What the #?@%! 

Maybe my expectations were too high; maybe the anticipation had skewed my perspective; maybe I misunderstood that more G's was supposed to be better; maybe I underestimated AT&T's suckiness (winner, winner, chicken dinner!); whatever the issue, this sucks more than a three dollar hooker at a frat house. I am downloading at the speed of smell. Really, this is prehistoric Flinstone's speed. I can actually here the hamster slowly dying on the wheel.

How slow? 1990's pre-DSL slow. Don't believe me? You are one of those people that say, "even AT&T can't be that bad" (does such people really exist?)? Well, just for you, blind wonderer, I have attached a screen-print of not 1, 2,  or 3, but 4, yes 4, speed tests.  Take a look:

Bam! There it is! LTE - Lower Than Edge. 

So how do I feel about my new iPhone5? It has superior build quality and hardware but the software in IOS6 is terrible (topic of another post). The camera, which is supposed to be a vast improvement, actually irritates the shit out of me (again, another post). Other than that, it seems to freeze and be a lot slower than I would expect (yep, another post). Honestly, I will probably drop back to my 4 - even with the bust home button.

How do I feel about AT&T? Umm... they suck! I mean that in every sense of the word. The service is HORRIBLE. The prices are HORRIBLE. The network is HORRIBLE! The only advantage they have over Verizon or Sprint is that you can use voice and data simultaneously (which is useless when the speeds are so slow that it doesn't work anyway).

As an existing AT&T customer for the past 5 years +/-, who has had every iPhone produced, I recommend the following:

• The iPhone4 or 4S for anyone who wants a high quality phone with superior build quality (and is willing to pay a premium for it), the droid for everyone else
• AT&T for absolutely no one - literally, not a single person. I don't care if you get a 75% discount through your job, the service is just not worth it
• Verizon for those who want best coverage and network, just keep in mind the whole data/voice issue
• Sprint for those who want an OK network but GREAT customer service
• T-Mobile - eh, they are just waiting to be bought out

So if you are an iPhone owner, or plan to be, and are combining that with AT&T's service, you are in for a great disappointment. Hopefully I have reached you before it is too late and you are locked into a contract with the devil-beast of a company; if not, grab a shot or five, grab a chair and join me in drinking to cellphone sorrows.

~Mr. Joseph